According to Dr. Franklin, in a response to cultural and sociological pressures caused by the physically and psychologically brutal institution of slavery, Black fathers, out of necessity, had to focus much of their energy on their efforts to protect their daughters from assailants and rapists. And, Black fathers, along the way, developed a culture of leaving their sons to fend for themselves. This forced their sons to become rugged, familially and socially disconnected, individuals during an era when they needed one another most. They could not rely upon the emotional support of their fathers. They could not rely upon other Black men. They had less exposure to familial environments in which they could observe healthy, long-term relationships with women and children. And, much of that sociological and social psychological response—that cultural legacy born from slavery and the survival instinct that enabled our ancestors to endure that brutal institution—is still with us.

I reach out to my brothers. Some of them take my hand. Surprisingly, many of them do not. So, even though one of my biggest pet peeves is that prominent, well-educated, and enfranchised Blacks do far too little to reach out to young up-and-coming Blacks in order to bring them into our social networks or help them benefit from our power relationships, I’m slowly learning that those who could be helped, advocated for, or mentored, often reject offers of friendship extended by their brothers. It’s as if brothers don’t trust one another or don’t understand that we all, and our families, are made stronger when another Black man succeeds.

These uneconomical rejections of the relationship building and social/professional networking that other groups rely upon in order to compete against us for all forms of capital probably occur at both ends—the eminent Black males and the up-and-coming Black males. This rejection cuts us off from one another and disadvantages all Blacks because it limits our collective social capital strength and, perhaps, has negative affects on our psychological and emotional wellbeing.

More of us need to extend our hands to our brothers—open our arms to embrace them. And, more of us need take our brother’s hand when he extends it to us—return his embrace when he opens his arms. Simply embracing one another more might mitigate many of our social psychological problems, especially those related to hurdles that hinder us from realizing our basic human desires to achieve in our society and provide for our families.

It’s a hard road here. Because we as Brothers aren’t taught how to be social workers right? That is to say when we get together at the house, or at a boatride, or at a wedding, many of us do not really know how to provide meaningful uplift to each other. I believe that we–and here I mean all of the black fraternities–should seriously consider changing the nature of our graduate chapter to do this.

If we don’t have that social outlet or that one person you can talk/vent to, we tend to turn inward. After that, I think a person gets worse. I was blessed to have a mother that I could practically talk to about almost anything. I have been blessed to have friends (including certain relatives) to vent/talk to when an ear is needed. But, it’s been great that I have recognized that a problem was there, and I sought help.

Seeking help can be on a small scale and grow to actually speaking with a therapist. Identifying that one has a problem is sometimes a bigger problem with men (especially Black Men). Having friends and family that treat you with kid gloves or “Yes Men” are not helpful. I’ve had friends that I’ve gone to hang out with because it seemed to me that they needed that ear. Hopefully, they weren’t contemplating suicide, but I believe in some cases they were not thinking in a positive manner.

I guess seeking and/or asking for help is one thing, but I think we also (as friend/family) need to identify when our friend/family is on a self-destruction path. Though I have never contemplating commiting suicide, I am glad that I have friends/family I can count on for that ear and dose of reality.